Jokes




vegan joke by bob boog

 

Joke 1: You Know You’re a Redneck Jedi Warrior if:

You hear “Luke, I am your father… and your uncle…”

You ever said the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”

Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

Wookiees are offended by your B.O.


You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.

You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son come on over to the dark side…it’ll be a hoot.”

latte joke

Joke 2: Jack Schitt

In Canada, Miles Davis is known as “Kilometers Davis” but for some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? Is he for real?

In fact, we often find ourselves at a loss when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt!’

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in a totally intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had
one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.

The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva
Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high
school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later
married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted
to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a
rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were
inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens
brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper
announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were
Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the
world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt’ you can correct them.

Your friend,
Crock O. Schitt

———————-

Joke 3: Condoms

I bought some extra sensitive condoms today. I put one on and I started feeling really emotional.

——————

Joke: 4: Women

Women are like bacon:
they look good, they smell good, they taste good…and they will slowly kill you.

———————–

Joke 5: Shakespeare

For a gentleman, Shakespeare really knew how to spread those thy’s.

—–

 

Reviews

My Real Estate Nightmare Reviews

On this page find the good, the bad and the ugly reviews of Bob Boog’s book, My Real Estate Nightmare. Bob claims that he is going to write 3 funny books. This is the first book of the series. My Real Estate Nightmare is approx 146 pages long.

My Real Estate Nightmare book cover

 

A Reviewer from England writes:

My Real Estate Nightmare is not usually a book I would normally pick up to read but it was recommended to me by a friend and I thought I’d give it a go.  I actually started reading this on my Lunch break at work and before I knew it the break was over and hadn’t looked up at the clock in almost an hour! I love novels like that where you can lose yourself and just focus on the story.

I won’t spoil it by telling you what happens but if you’re looking for a light read which is easy to pick up in-between everyday life then this is the novel for you, It’ll have you laughing and cringing and very thankful that you’re job isn’t as complicated or as involved our poor real estate agent (Bob) who goes above and beyond the call of duty only to face trials he never saw coming. Informative, funny and well-written.

My Real Estate Nightmare Review #1:

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My Real Estate Nightmare Review #2:

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My Real Estate Nightmare Review #3:

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My Real Estate Nightmare Review #4:

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My Real Estate Nightmare Review #5:

Click to read it. (My fave!)ren review01

Here is a Brief Snippet of the Prologue to the Book.

I’m not really a doctor, but I play one at Starbucks. My name is Bob Boog and I am the author of this book and a real estate broker and owner of a small company called Bob Boog Realty.

If you are wondering, I pronounce my last name like “Boogie-man” and not with a long O sound like a “bow” although a friend from Europe told me that “boog” means “bow” or “arch” in Dutch.

My realty company is located in Santa Clarita, CA and for those of you unfamiliar with Southern California, Santa Clarita lies about 33 miles north of downtown Los Angeles, or 35 miles east of the Pacific Ocean, and about 100 miles away from the mountains where in the winter there is skiing or snowboarding.

There is a popular 262 acre theme park called Six Flags Magic Mountain planted four miles away from Santa Clarita, so a lot of people know where that is.

People in real estate will often use minutes instead of miles to help sell our location which I think borders on being a little deceptive. We will tell a house hunter, for example, “Santa Clarita lies only 34 minutes from the beach without traffic,” or “Santa Clarita is just 30 minutes north of downtown LA, without traffic.”

This sounds pretty appealing, doesn’t it?

But who is kidding who?

Because in Los Angeles, there is almost ALWAYS traffic. A person could drive to LAX (Los Angeles International airport) at 2:00 in the morning on a Sunday and STILL probably hit traffic. Thank goodness for those wide, paved road shoulders that important people like me are entitled to use during traffic jams.

Actually, I am not that important because I am a middle child.