Joke 1: You Know You’re a Redneck Jedi Warrior if:
You hear “Luke, I am your father… and your uncle…”
You ever said the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”
Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
Wookiees are offended by your B.O.
You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.
You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.
You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son come on over to the dark side…it’ll be a hoot.”
Joke 2: Jack Schitt
In Canada, Miles Davis is known as “Kilometers Davis” but for some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? Is he for real?
In fact, we often find ourselves at a loss when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt!’
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in a totally intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had
one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.
The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva
Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later
married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted
to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a
rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were
inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens
brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper
announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were
Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the
world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt’ you can correct them.
Crock O. Schitt
Joke 3: Condoms
I bought some extra sensitive condoms today. I put one on and I started feeling really emotional.
Joke: 4: Women
Women are like bacon:
they look good, they smell good, they taste good…and they will slowly kill you.
Joke 5: Shakespeare
For a gentleman, Shakespeare really knew how to spread those thy’s.